When Guilt Eats You Alive
by brojaxeh
Summary: As the night comes, so do his most painful memories of recent events. Naruto is trapped in his mind, dealing with some possibly wrong choices. Is he a bad friend?


_Tell me, would you kill to save a life?_

It is a warm night indeed. He sits all alone outside on the hospital roof. His body is scarred, tortured and covered in bruises but he always heals fast. He is wrapped in bandages that are suffocating him. He just wants to rip them off, but he would probably get yelled at.

His gaze is pointed at the night sky, his eyes constantly searching for something, _a sign_. A sign that everything is alright and that everything will be fine. It's like he trusts those stars that see everything and that he will see _him_ jumping out of somewhere, with his usual emotionless expression.

But no, nothing was alright and he won't show up. Not this time. Not _ever_.

Pain, even worse than those cuts and bruises, rushes through his chest as painful flashbacks run through his head. He curls up, hugs his knees with his hands and rests his head on his legs.

All of those horrible images are jumping on his mental screen. He wants them to go away; he doesn't want to feel like this-_guilty._ His body shivers and his breathing becomes rapid.

He remembers it, crystal clear, but he wants to forget. _That day._

Dark clouds covered the sky that day, some heavy, mean clouds. Light of the day was dim and the atmosphere was rather depressing. He remembers how their weapons clashed at each other and they separated. More attacks followed and also more dodging and blocking. They were even in every way possible. And even, even _emotionally._

Naruto blocked Sasuke's attack and landed a kick with his foot on Sasuke's stomach, causing the man to fly all the way on the other side. Naruto panted as he watched Sasuke land on his back and remain on the water. Sasuke lifted himself up and gazed at Naruto. Naruto ran at him, his usual reckless movements causing him to get hit and earn a few more cuts. Sasuke seemed more than just pleased when he landed a strong hit on Naruto's chest. Naruto made a painful expression, yelled at the pain circulating through his chest reaching his back as he hit the surface. He lay on his back, looking at those mean clouds, catching a glimpse of Sasuke as he made a circle around him.

"What are you waiting for?" Naruto murmured. "Finish me off."

Sasuke frowned and groaned angrily at the man's words. In just a flash, Sasuke grabbed Naruto by his neck, gripped and crashed Naruto to a stone, a giant rock.

He held him with his one hand, squeezing his throat, pushing him harder against the rock. He looked at him, at Naruto's face, and then shifted his gaze to his hands touching his own, trying to force him to loosen his grip. But he didn't. Sasuke looked down and let out a loud sigh. He looked back at those bright blue eyes.

Naruto seemed to be in shock but he tried to hide it. His eyes locking with Sasuke, and he felt relieved that he could see his dark eyes, instead of that damn Sharingan.

"Do you think I _want_ to kill you? Huh?!" he started silently, his voice rising at the end.

"I don't know, Sasuke, I—"

"_Shut up!_ This time, _I _am the one who talks, and you will keep those damn mouth of yours shut," he said, his voice cracking a little.

Sasuke looked down again, took a deep breath and looked at Naruto.

"I had a wonderful opportunity to kill you, end your life, a few times. _But_, I never did," he chuckled, rather annoyed.

"Why? Because…I couldn't. I defeat you every single time and leave you there with your life hanging on a thread. But, I could never kill you. It seemed as my attacks couldn't finish you off and I just wondered why. No matter what, I couldn't. Could you believe that?"

He laughed and looked on the other side and then down again: "My arms could never move when it was time to finish you off."

"Sa-suke, I can't bre—"

"SHUT UP!" and he laughed again.

"Do you know why? Hm? Do you?!" Sasuke leaned in really close to Naruto, almost touching his nose.

Naruto's hands gripped Sasuke's even tighter and he watched him with his eyes half closed, suffocating and having an awful feeling of his throat being crushed.

"Sas…sasuke, pl-please, my, my neck…"

Sasuke moved away from his face, looked down in disappointment and shook his head. He let go of Naruto and jumped away, appearing meters away in a second.

Naruto fell on his knees and supported himself with his hands. He panted, sucked in air greedily as pain ran through his body, from his neck to his lungs and stomach. He finally looked at Sasuke again and lifted himself up.

_I'm not done yet, Sasuke._

Naruto stood into a pose and made two shadow clones, he pushed the kunai hidden in his sleeve into his hand and attacked. Sasuke greeted his attack with a simple block and kicked him away, causing the shadow clone to disappear.

"So predictable, Naruto," he yelled as he turned around to face Naruto with Rasengan in his hand, ready to hit him.

Sasuke grabbed Naruto's hand with Rasengan, pushing Naruto's hand up in the air as Naruto landed really close to him, almost pushing him down. The blade of Sasuke's sword was pressed against Naruto's throat but it didn't cut. Or else, _he_ didn't cut.

There, that feeling again. His movements froze and he could do nothing again. He has him, right here. He just needs to pull and his neck will be cut and his life will end. But he couldn't.

That got Sasuke really mad, as he tried really hard to cut the man standing before him. He groaned at his face and kicked him with his right knee in his stomach, making Naruto clench.

Blood mixed with saliva rushed out of his mouth, as Rasengan in his hand disappeared and both of his hands fell on his stomach, pressing it, trying to somehow stop the pain.

Sasuke kept his expression cool and smacked Naruto with his left foot, causing the man fly into that giant rock again. Naruto hit the rock with his back and bounced off of it. He landed on his stomach, feeling the harsh pain going from his lower back and climbing his spine. His body trembled, but he leaned on his right forearm, his fists clenched tightly. With the other hand, he pushed himself up and kneeled, but as soon as he did that blood popped out of his mouth. He ended up coughing amount of blood probably too great to continue the fight. But he got all the way here, he can't stop now.

"What are you going to do now, Naruto? You can't even stand," Sasuke said, tilting his head.

Naruto frowned and his scars became darker. The fox felt him weakening and was now awake. His breathing became rapid as he fought the persistent Nine Tails. _Go back, you stupid fox. I don't need your help. I'll save him…MYSELF!_

He looked at Sasuke, through his own eyes: "I have, people dear to me, my friends, who will always help me to get up," he started, his voice very low, "but who…who do you have?" his gaze became somehow sad.

Sasuke's gaze was still cold with no emotion of any kind coming out.

"And even if I have to force a last little bit of my chakra I will help you get up, even if it means giving up on my own life," Naruto said as he pushed himself to his feet, not taking his eyes off of Sasuke.

It seemed as his words came through Sasuke when he saw his eyes opening wide. Sasuke opened his mouth to say something, when Naruto suddenly appeared in front of him and landing a hit with his fist into his face. Sasuke flew away and landed on the ground with a loud thud. Naruto jumped on him and took his hands, pinning them above Sasuke's head.

"Because…_you_ are the most important one to me, Sasuke," he said quietly and sounded quite desperate, like he would burst in tears any second now.

Tingles went through Sasuke's body as he heard those words from Naruto. They sounded so real, like someone actually cares. Like they were promising a better life if he just accepted them and went with Naruto. Went home. It felt as if he just embraced these words of his, he would forget about all of his worries…and he would be _happy._

_But for him…that's impossible._

He shooed the thoughts away, his gaze cooling again and his expression becoming dull. His eyes scared Naruto. His glare was so empty and soulless, like he could see through him. He could actually see nothing, feel _nothing._

_Respond to me. DAMMIT SASUKE._

Naruto let go of his hands and took a hold of his outfit, squeezing it, clenching his teeth, trying to control himself.

"I came so far just to get you back. I came so far, just to see that you really don't care…but even after all that, I can't let you go. Because, that's what best friends do. They stick to each other no matter what. Dammit…SASUKE! SNAP OUT OF IT!" he lifted Sasuke closer to him as he screamed those last words into his face.

Sasuke eyed him, deciding not to move because he could win him anyways. He is severely wounded, so why bother. He'll just collapse at any moment now.

"…you know _why_ you can't kill me," Naruto lowered his head to Sasuke's chest, "because you can't break that bond we have. But…I can kill you…"

_Tell me, would you kill to save a life?_

"I can do it, because I wouldn't break the bond. By killing you I would save it. I promised…to Sakura, to everyone…to _myself_, that I _will_ get you back. And-I-am-not-leaving-till-I-do SASUKE!"

He rose and pulled Sasuke along with him. He grabbed him even tighter and smacked him to the ground. Sasuke groaned as he hit the stones and made a painful grimace, feeling some of his bones cracking because of an impact.

Naruto kneeled on Sasuke, lowering himself and pressing his kunai to his throat: "It's over, Sasuke. I'm taking you back."

And with that said, Naruto raised his hand and pushed his kunai into Sasuke's stomach. For some odd reason Sasuke did nothing to stop him. He felt the cold blade piercing his guts, as the sharp pain went through his entire torso. His blood started leaking out, soaking his clothes and going faster when Naruto pulled the kunai out.

Naruto's hand was all covered in Sasuke's blood. He threw away the knife and eyed Sasuke's painful expression that eventually grew into a peaceful, tiny smile.

It felt so good, the relief. And the pain from the wound slowly faded away. It was like someone had taken off a huge weight from his chest and it was easier to breathe. He finally felt like himself again. That old Sasuke who knew how to smile and his friends meant a lot to him.

Naruto pulled his friend into his lap and went through his hair. They smiled at each other, that wide 'everything is going to be okay' smile. Sasuke's eyes shined for the first time in years and he kept his smile on.

And that was the last thing he did before he _died._

His chest slowly heaved as he inhaled, and the blood gently streamed out of his mouth. He exhaled quietly and closed his eyes. The smile disappeared.

Naruto snapped at that moment. He held Sasuke's head in his lap as tears gathered in his eyes. Naruto broke down and the tears started streaming down his face like waterfalls. Whatever he did, he couldn't stop them. _He didn't want to stop them_. He cried, desperately and screamed angrily while holding Sasuke whose body kept getting colder and colder every second.

To him, it was like the darkness surrounded him and he was left alone with his pain, barely able to cope with it. His entire body ached as he madly cried and whimpered. His screams were getting louder and louder and it all echoed in his head...

_Grief, misery…no, Sasuke, why did you leave me? Why? Why…?_

But it was now, all just a painful memory of devastating actions. That dull pain was still in his chest, unable to get out. And he can't scream like he did, not here, on this goddamn roof. Because the night is so quiet and so is he.

Tears are falling again, soaking his clothes and bandages. He wants to run away, to hide from these feelings. He feels so bad, as if he could have done something else to get him back.

But that smile of his before he died. He seemed truly happy and relieved. That was the only thing that kept Naruto going and his own mind just wouldn't let him sink so deep into that depression so he can't get out of it. He always sees at least a little spark of hope.

_A little spark of hope…_

He looks into the night sky again, his vision blurry from the tears, but he sees those stars. Those stars that saw what happened that day. He trusted them, those little sparks of hope, shining over him. And he begged, every single one, to tell Sasuke how much he cares and how much he loves him.

_Please tell him…please._

_Sasuke…I'm sorry…_

_Please…forgive me, Sasuke._


End file.
